Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
