As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
