My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
