Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
