i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
