I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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