I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
