Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
