i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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