there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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