the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well you can't waste a boner
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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