Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
there is puke in my bra ... again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
