soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
