I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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