He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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