I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
