If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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