I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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