Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
