no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
