I faked an abortion last night.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
