Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
