Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
