I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
