If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
