Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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