Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
