she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
