remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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