Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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