I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
