How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
