try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
