she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
