guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
