Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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