just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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