As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my poor anus
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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