I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
