The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize