To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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