But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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