why didn't you poke me back
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
