Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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