I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
