So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
