i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
