Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
false alarm, still single
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
