I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
