Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
