I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
