can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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