dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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