Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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