I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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