ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
