Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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