i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
