grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
