UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
