at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
