My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
