i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
