I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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